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An awkward moment, shared... [by sbrooks]

Mon, 25 Aug 2008 03:33:35 -0500

In The Dark:: An awkward moment, shared...
I'm not sure I can fully describe what I felt, saw and did tonight, but I'll try to put the depth of emotion into what writing is to follow.

After much introspection tonight going over the events I am about to describe and going through a gambit of my own personal emotions in just trying to understand what went down, I finally came to a place of true peace with what many may consider an awkward or embarrassing moment. Although some may not find such a simple moment of embarrassment to be noteworthy (eh, so what, so you were embarrassed, who cares? Just suck it up and get over it. Right?) - I'm sure plenty of us have shuffled such moments to the back of our minds in order to get past them or in pure frustration have fallen asleep angry at ourselves or with the person who put you in this vulnerable situation... and then time passed and it faded... (but like every other dramatic event in your life, it's impact remains, even if unconsciously).

Anywayz, I hope I haven't lost you yet since I haven't got down to the nitty gritty of the story. But the setup is important since I think we've all gone through it at one time or another... and we all have felt "alone and in the dark", isolated and exposed.

So here it is. I'm here in Denver this week for the Democratic National Convention with my roommate. An old friend of his from high school graciously offered to put us up for the week at her place. After getting in and doing a bit of site seeing around town, we all went out to dinner where we met up with the local's boyfriend and daughter for a really nice meal. Although half asleep from the previous night's wedding reception booze-fest, 4 hours of sleep prior to my flight and the two plane flights to get into town, I had somehow managed to muster up the energy to be coherent at dinner. And really it wasn't hard, her boyfriend was a riot! The guy was a sarcastic son-of-bitch with quit wit to boot, twisting words at every turn making just about everything that was said into something laughable.

Towards the end of the night, we close out the check and I await the ceremonial "Alrrriiight..." stretch signaling that it's time to head home where I could rest my weary eyes and get some rest. 5 minutes pass with people staring at the table and no one really saying anything. I catch a glance from my roommate's girlfriend and I subtly shift my body toward the door. I don't know if she got the hint cause she just started swaying... and as not to expose my silent recruitment, I broke the eye contact and waited to see if the situation was going to change. She couldn't initiate the exit either, we were both guests of the guest. It just wasn't good manners for me or her to call and end to the night.

Still in awe that no one was leaving, I broke silence by asking if they were waiting for dessert. Funny thing was I knew that wasn't the case, but hoped someone would catch the hint that I was wondering why the hell we hadn't left and were still siting there... no one did.

So I go to plan C and shift my full attention to the TV way off to the left of me, almost making me turn in my seat to see it. My hope was that if I focused on that and looked completely bored with what was going on (or to be more accurate, what WASN'T going on) then they'd take notice and that'd spark some thought that hey... why are we still here? Let's go! Ugh. Nope.

By this time my eyes are starting to get tired cause really, I could give a crap less about what's on TV (staring across a room at TV commercials you can't even hear isn't really a good sell for interest elsewhere... plus I think it was even more torture on me since I had committed to it... damn you plan D for not coming to me!).

So yea, as I start to drift off into an open-eyed coma of boredom at about what seemed like the ten minute mark on silence-a-thon, they just started back into conversation. I can't really say how it got started or barely recall what was being said up until the bombshell hit the table...

All I remember is the local chick's boyfriend makes some comment, and my roommate responsed, "hahahah, oh yea I bet you were totally dumpster diving". And for the first time in the night, this guy, with a totally straight face hits him back with. "Yea, actually I was. I was a serious alcoholic and was living on the street for years". My roommate, unabated, just keep laughing... I know he caught the seriousness of it because even though his laugh continued well after the statement, he eventually asked him how he got out of it. The boyfriend's response was very short... "ah, various programs". And in came the silence again, but with an edge. My roommate's girlfriend attempted to deflect the comments a bit by throwing out, while giggling, that she knew some guys in college who would eat out of the dumpster too. But yea, the words just hit the hollow silence with zero empathy towards the obvious self consciousness that was sweeping over this guy.

I just sat there feeling for him, unable to say shit because what the fuck could I say?? He doesn't know me. Any attempt at comforting words could never be enough to truly penetrate what he was in a small yet deep way reliving at that moment. I mean to me, if someone says that kind of stuff to me that leads into a couple hour conversation getting to really know the person. I mean fuck, he laid it out there and all I could hear was the resilient resonance of my roommate's laugh long past and a crumpling of his previously jubilant self. He even hunched over the table ever so slightly in what seemed like the start of a fetal position.

Not fucking cool man, NOT cool! But I could do nothing. Framed by the shallowness of the previous comments, the only respect I could pay for the pain he must have gone through was in silence.

I shifted my eyes from him just to even left him have relief from my gaze.

The silence stayed for too long.

And then before I knew it, he was on me!!

"Are you bored!" he lashed out. I immediately looked up to see him staring me straight in the face. More shocked than anything and being even more sapped of what little energy I had left after witnessing such a sight. I without thought answer, "Yes". Part of me was still stuck in the ten minutes of nothing, sleeping there... and now this silence...

It felt honest, but still reactionary... but with the word already out of my mouth, it was too late to go back and express my true compassion for a man exposed.

He came at me again, "Well why don't you share something embarrassing with us then?"

With a quick blink, the answer came straight from my gut. It only took a second but I went to the place of most deep shame for me in recent years and pulled it out and laid it right there on the table.

My head dropped down, eyes to the table, and I said, "I lived with my MOMMY for three years after graduating college", over-stressing the mommy to display some disgust at having to do so.

ok... now I am sure 90% of you just laughed your ass off or thought, well that's definitely not samesie-samesies... I mean how does that even come close even slightly to this man's pain of living on the streets and recovery from alcoholism?

Well, and not to go into this too deeply, but for me this was a HUGE shame and a HUGE blow to who I am as a person. Ever since my father left when I was 16, as the oldest child, I became strong because I had to be a pillar for my brother and mother. Ever since I was able to work, I did. I worked 30 hours a week throughout college just so I didn't have to put up with father placing conditions on our reforming relationship with the threat of taking away college support money... and this in turn let us break down old pains and really fix things between us.

I DID THIS BECAUSE I WAS A MAN, EVEN THEN, AND DID NOT NEED TO BEND OR CHANGE WHO I WAS OR COMPROMISE WHAT I BELIEVED IN, NOT EVEN FOR MY FATHER.

But with a rocky send off into the world from school, I bounced from job to job to job and went from heartbreak to heartbreak to heartbreak until exhausted, I landed back at home in what really was a submission, in my mind. The hard knocks I had taken over the years had finally broke me and I was ready to come home to my moms, with my tail between my legs.

I was ashamed of myself for far too long... (where was my strength?)

So again, the now familiar air of awkwardness came over the table. Maybe more for the oddness of my comment than for anything else... but it mattered not to me. I did just as he did and laid my pain out there with his. The effect was as I had hoped, I took the spotlight off his open wound and shined it on me... saving him from the dark hole he was crawling back into. Whether looking the fool or if truly understood as a gesture of true sharing of shame, he was now off the hook and no longer looming in the increasingly annoying silence.

I am a good man... but god knows I REALLY need to articulate more in the moment. It's coming though... truth and light and pride is once again shining through me and I feel lifted by it's strength.

Tomorrow I will explain myself, at least enough to be understood as genuinely caring for a man whom I know is himself good, but like all of us, a product of the life he's lived... for now I must sleep.

Here is kind of the moral of this story. If you laughed or thought me absurd when I said those words to him, then I submit that you aren't taking the time to see people for who they really are... without your personal pretexts. You're quantifying pain as a direct relation to the type, size and perceived magnitude of the experience that caused it. Now think about that for a second...

Your experiences have trained you to tolerate certain things and in other instances, pull back sharply and painfully from others. Whatever those conditions may be, does the pain or the sorrow reaped from these experiences really differ?

I mean, if it hurts, IT HURTS!! Is the loss of a loved one as bad as never having anyone to love? (a slow death vs an intensely painful one?)

I say no.

So for god sakes, show some compassion for every single person you meet, no matter how odd YOU may feel their condition of suffering really is. The point is, they are hurting... why not try to relate, in whatever absurd way it comes out ( ** see above, lol ** ), but for human sakes, just try!

With love for all who need it,
-s

Purpose [by mhanson]

Mon, 23 Jul 2007 00:57:33 -0500

General Questions:: Purpose
So I've been thinking about all of these questions, and I've come to to believe that happiness can be found if you're sitting, running, laughing, or crying. So long as you are doing these things with purpose, with a meaning in your heart. It's about being on the true path, and this comes to a question that is the foundation of all others...

What is your purpose?

Why do you do anything at all? In what direction are you headed? And what lies there at the end of your road?

The Kingdom of God [by cbrooks]

Fri, 8 Jun 2007 22:30:22 -0500

Our Faith:: The Kingdom of God
A great quote shown to me by a great friend:

"The Kingdom of God
is inside you and
all around you,
Not in mansions of
wood and stone,
Split a piece of wood
and I am there,
Lift a stone and you will find me!"

This is an quote is from the Dead Sea Scrolls, written by Jesus Christ.

SEVEN STEPS TO HAPPINESS [by cbrooks]

Sat, 21 Apr 2007 13:06:40 -0500

What is Happiness?:: SEVEN STEPS TO HAPPINESS
I read this article and loved it! It is a really long description of a great idea, but if you can make it through this article you will be very thankful. I especially love the sixth step, I have felt this feeling many times; this has to be my favorite mental state!!! Just feeling pure love toward everyone around you, including yourself. I would look at others around me and only see their desire for happiness, which was trying to burst out of this prision called our lives. I wanted them to find this happiness like I felt at that moment, and set their love free. Looking at people in this state of mind I could see how much we are all holding back in all our interactions. We are to scared to just look at the person across from us and tell them I love you! We pretend to hate others but this is impossible, cause we are all the same; would you truely hate yourself? Anyways, This is my true love, love of everyone!

"By Suma Varughese

The quest for happiness has taken mankind on many strange journeys. Many have arrived at destinations never imagined or sought. We lose our way frequently and end up with regrets and sorrow. Is there a sure way to find happiness?

"Don't worry, be happy," carols Bobby McFerrin.
"And the prince and the princess lived happily ever after," say the fairy tales.
"I only want your happiness," croons the lover.
"Every man has the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness," says the American Constitution.
"Happiness is buying the latest must-have," shout the advertisements.

No matter what the message, mankind is united in conviction that happiness is a very desirable state. Indeed, all of us, consciously or unconsciously, are motivated in all we do by our need for happiness. The housewife strives for a clean and orderly house and well-brought up children so she can be happy with herself. The husband aims to make more money so he can be happy. We chase money, health, growth, fame, power, property and relationships, not for their own sake but for the satisfaction they promise. The creation of empires and civilizations, the discovery of continents, the waging of wars, the whole ebb and flow of history is a graphic portrait of man's ceaseless quest for happiness.

Yet, most of us will acknowledge that we don't always feel happy. Oh, yes, winning that merit scholarship or the coveted promotion, buying a car or losing weight feels great for a while. But we find that our friends are jealous, or that the promotion means longer working hours or that the car guzzles petrol, and that our lives haven't been transformed by losing weight. We are weighed down by a sense of lack. No matter how well life turns out, nothing seems quite enough. Others seem to have more, or desires keep arising. If nothing else, we fear for the future. What if something was to happen to our loved ones or to us?

Many of us are content to accept this mixed bag of happiness and sorrow as the human lot. Within this framework we attempt to maximize our joys and minimize our woes. We excel in whatever skills we have, spend less than we make, save for a house, take care of our health, get our children married and keep money aside for old age. At the end of our lives, we believe that we have lived to the best of our capacity. This is no mean task and deserves to be richly lauded.

But for a few, this unpredictable, fleeting happiness is not enough. They dare to ask if an irrefutable, permanent and absolute happiness is not possible. A happiness they can trust. Perhaps it is this question that moves man towards divinity. For he is attempting to transcend the very framework of the human condition.

Is such a state possible? Yes, say the scriptures and enlightened beings. "The highest happiness comes upon the yogi whose mind is calmed, in whom passion is appeased, who has become Brahman and is free from sin," says the Bhagavad Gita (Vl: 27).

The Upanishads add: "Take the happiness of a man who has everything: he is young, healthy, strong, good, and cultured, with all the wealth that earth can offer; let us take this as one measure of joy. One hundred times that joy is the joy of the gandharvas, but no less joy have those who are illumined."

The Buddha's entire teaching revolves around the question of how to overcome human suffering and attain happiness. The first words of the Dhammapada, a collection of the Buddha's teachings, pinpoints the problem and its cause:

"Mind precedes all phenomena,
Mind matters most, everything is mind-made.
If with an impure mind
You speak or act, then suffering follows you,
As the cartwheel follows the foot of the draft animal."

"On the other hand, here is the Buddha's recipe for happiness:
If with a pure mind
You speak or act,
Then happiness follows you
As a shadow that never departs."

The very nature of life and our Selves, according to the Upanishads, is joy or bliss. Our true nature is sat (reality), chit (consciousness) and ananda (bliss). Bliss is part of who we are. Bliss is our birthright. "Vedanta says that happiness is you," explains Uday Acharya, a Vedanta teacher. But how on earth do we claim it?

Step l: Prioritize Happiness

Aiming for absolute happiness is serious business. It calls for steady, patient labor for years on end. This means absolute commitment to the goal, no matter what you may have to sacrifice. How does one achieve such a dogged attitude? Usually from plunging into the miseries of life. Eckhart Tolle, a spiritual teacher based in Canada, whose book, "The Power of Now", is a masterpiece of spiritual guidance, led a life, he says, of almost continual anxiety interspersed with bouts of suicidal depression. Then he had a spiritual experience that transformed his life forever. Not that he didn't have to work at sustaining it. It just meant that he had something concrete to work towards, for he knew the state he was aiming at from inside.

Perhaps restlessness and an inner quest do motivate you. Eknath Easwaran, the late meditation teacher practicing in California and writer of many popular books on spirituality, reveals in his translation of the Upanishads that he was the quintessential man who had everything. Unsatisfied, he kept looking for that which he himself didn't know until a chance reading of the Upanishads unfolded vistas of joy unimagined thus far. The statement: "There is no joy in the finite; there is joy only in the Infinite," became a lodestar to which he hitched his happiness wagon.

In other words, the quest for happiness comes from within. It arises only when we are ready to engage in the mammoth task of seeking. Which is to say, it is not entirely within our conscious control. Scott L. Peck uses the term 'grace' to explain the mysterious force that nudges us towards further growth: "The paradox that we both choose grace and are chosen by grace is the essence of the phenomenon of serendipity."

You can also begin where you are right now. If by reading this you are inspired to want happiness, that too is a starting point. What matters is the intensity of your desire.
Prioritizing happiness means that you will let go of everything that is inimical to happiness.

In his book, "A Dialogue with Death", Easwaran talks of the concepts of preya and shreya. Preya is what is pleasant; shreya, what is beneficial. Preya gives us instant happiness, the happiness of eating a good meal or buying an outfit, or getting a compliment. Shreya also gives us happiness, but in the long run, such as when we embark on a fitness program or kick the smoking habit. Preya and shreya are most often directly opposed to each other, such as when we spend the night carousing and wake up the next day with a heavy head and conscience. Preya's seductive happiness, arising as it does from the satisfaction of the senses, almost inevitably leads to long-term unhappiness. So how do we choose shreya? Simply, by not choosing preya. Our refusal to settle for short-term happiness in itself guarantees long-term happiness.

Prioritizing happiness means a single-minded focus on shreya. Are your eating habits interfering with your health? Change them. Is your anger spewing unhappiness around? Let it go. Are you spending more money than you make? Get financially smart. Are your relationships in trouble? Work at them. Is your yen for fame or power coming in the way of your happiness goal? Off with their heads. Are these easy? Let's face it, they're well-nigh impossible when attempted from the outside. How do you access such superhuman will? This takes us to the next step.

Step ll: Know Thyself

All spiritual masters and texts are united in this one. The answer to the human condition lies in understanding our true Self.

According to Vedanta, our primary error is to mistake ourselves for our body, or even our minds or egos. Our real Self lies beyond these limited factors of identity, and is boundless, infinite, pure reality, consciousness and bliss.

"Those who know they are neither body nor mind,
But the immortal Self,
the Divine Principle of existence,
find the source
Of all joy and live in abiding joy."
�Katha Upanishad

This knowledge, even if only an intellectual concept to begin with, will give us the perspective to progress further.

Vedanta graphically uses the concept of a chariot to convey the real nature of the Self. In the Katha Upanishad, Yama, lord of death, tells the young seeker Nachiketa,

"Know the Self as lord of the chariot,
The body as the chariot itself,
The discriminating intellect as the
charioteer,
And the mind as reins.
The senses, say the wise, are the
horses,
Selfish desires are the roads they
travel."

When the Self is confused with the body, mind, and senses, they point out, he seems to enjoy pleasure and suffer sorrow. In other words, the reason why we choose preya rather than shreya is because our untrained senses gallop after a drink or espying a pretty girl, leaving our charioteer toppled on one side with the reins hanging loose. The Self, meanwhile, deep inside the carriage, can't make itself heard. The nature of the senses is to run after objects of desire, and only a well-trained mind controlled by a discriminating intellect, which takes its guidance from the sequestered Self, can rein them in. This then is the task before us: to train the senses, discipline the mind, and strengthen the intellect to awaken the Self.

The Buddha said the same thing when he observed that attachment created suffering. Attachment arises out of our reactions of like and dislike, which are a result of the contact of the senses and the mind with the world. These, in turn, are part of universal mind and matter, which arise out of undifferentiated consciousness. The Buddhist approach to ultimate happiness is the abolishment of the entire structure of consciousness by focusing on reaction. The cessation of reaction would cause the cessation of like and dislike, which would cause the cessation of contact between the senses and the world, eventually leading to the collapse of consciousness. While Vedanta moves you towards a positive identity, Buddhism unshackles the construct of all identity. Each, however, forces us to confront the very depth of our nature.

In her book, "Spiritual Intelligence", Danah Zohar draws upon the latest discoveries in quantum physics to substantiate her claim that we are made of the same stuff as God. Says she: "The quantum vacuum is the still silent 'ocean' on which existence appears as 'waves'. The first thing to emerge from the vacuum is an energy field known as the Higgs Field. This is filled with very fast, coherent energy oscillations that are the origin of all fields and fundamental particles in the universe. If proto-consciousness is a fundamental property, then there is proto-consciousness in the Higgs Field. And the quantum vacuum becomes very like what mystics have called the 'immanent God'. In that case, the 40 H2 neural oscillation that result in our human consciousness and our spiritual intelligence have their root in nothing less than 'God'. 'God' is the true center of the self. And meaning has its origin in the ultimate meaning of all existence."

There we have it. Even science acknowledges that we are divine stuff, children of immortality, amrutasya putraha, to quote the Upanishads.

Identifying with the body or the mind traps us within the sensory world. Preya becomes our only concept of pleasure so that happiness becomes purely a question of how much money we have, how beautiful we are, how many houses and cars we own and whether we belong to the A list of socialites. Says Eckhart Tolle: "Identification with your mind creates an opaque screen of concepts, labels, images, words, judgments and definitions that block true relationship. It comes between you and yourself, between you and your fellow man and woman, between you and nature, between you and God. It is this screen of thought that creates the illusion of separateness, the illusion that there is you and a totally separate 'other'."

So how do we start the process of de-identification? Move to the next step.

Step lll: Enhance Your Self-Esteem

Before we get to the actual task of discarding our false self, we need to take certain preparatory steps. We are about to embark on a long and arduous journey (which the Upanishads call walking the razor's edge) and we must have enough rations to see us through. The most crucial of these is robust self-esteem. The task of confronting yourself and coming to terms with every aspect of you, essential aspects of de-identification, can only commence if you are capable of containing and accepting the less than flattering truth. Renouncing the ego can only be successfully accomplished by those who have a healthy one to begin with.

Nathaniel Brandon, virtually the guru of self-esteem, defines it thus: "To trust one's mind and to know that one is worthy of happiness is the essence of self-esteem." He stipulates six pillars that comprise self-esteem. These are:

� Living consciously: The ability to be active rather than passive, to be in the moment, and to have a commitment for growth.

� Self-acceptance: The ability to be on one's side, to accept all feelings, thoughts and acts and to be compassionate with oneself.

� Self-responsibility: To take responsibility for the achievement of desires, one's behavior with others, and for one's happiness.

� Self-assertive: To know that we have the right to be who we are and that we do not have to live up to others' expectations.

� Purposeful living: To use our internal power for the attainment of our goals, including happiness, by taking responsibility for it, identifying the actions necessary to achieve it, monitoring our behavior to check if it is in alignment and so on.

� Personal integrity: When our behavior is congruent with our professed values, and ideals and practice match.

Brandon's prescription to enhance self-esteem is through sentence completion. Sit down every day, morning and evening, and give five different completions to the following sentence stem: "When I reflect on how I would feel if I lived more consciously�"
At the end of the week, go through all that you have written and give six different endings to this sentence: "If any of what I wrote this week is true, it would be helpful if I�"

Do this with the other pillars too and you will find that the very fact of thinking and writing about these will help you move towards these states of mind. In her book, The "12 Secrets of Health and Happiness", Louise Samways suggests that a good way of achieving self-acceptance is not to surrender to labels about ourselves created by others or us. Stick to facts, she says. Thus, when you botch up a presentation, you say to yourself, "I didn't do this well', rather than: "I'm a lousy salesperson." Says she: "Self-acceptance allows you to be comfortable with all aspects of yourself, good and bad. You feel confident that you can change if you want. You can be yourself; you don't need to hide behind a role."

The other way of accessing self-esteem is through the knowledge of who we are. If we are divine, an aspect of God, then surely that is reason for self-esteem? Self-esteem is innate; an aspect of our true nature and what stops us from experiencing it is our ignorance and conditioning.

Count down slowly from 20 to 0 until you find yourself feeling peaceful inside. Tell yourself with as much intensity and conviction as you can manage: "I am whole, perfect and complete." Soon, depending on the strength of your conditioning, this knowledge will manifest within you not as an intellectual concept, but as a part of you.

Why does this work? We'll discuss this in the next step.

Step lV: Go Within

You don't need to have perfect self-esteem before entering into this step. It is enough that you started working on it and have reached a basic level of inner stability. It is time now to go within. This is the key to the whole enterprise. If you can direct your mind inwards with unshakable commitment and steady application until you have seen through it, you are home and dry. What you must do is direct your attention to the uncharted inner regions: the zones of thoughts, feelings, reactions and actions. You are going to take the measure of your mind. Remember what the Buddha said, that we live in a mind-made world? That our thoughts create our reality? Are these thoughts supportive of happiness or not? Let us explore.

The first thing we learn is that we have very little control over our mind. And that we are never in the present. Thoughts zoom in and invade our mind. We zigzag between the past and the future in a medley of regrets, despair, anger, worry, fear and so on. Our past failures haunt us and fill us with apprehension for the future. We have certain ideas of the world and people based on our past and we view the whole of life through that prism.

We also become aware of how much we are controlled by circumstances and other people. Any stranger on the street can abuse us and spoil our day. We live in fear of what our boss will do or say, and we base our life goals on making our parents proud of us. From stepping into a muddy puddle to being rejected by our 'true' love, our reactions are based on external events. And we have very little control over ourselves. We decide that we are going to concentrate on a project and the next thing we know we have awoken from a daydream about a holiday in Mauritius. We vow to lose weight, but when a colleague passes chocolates around, we can't resist it. We try to curb our temper, but each time there's a provocation, we lose it. In other words, not only do others and circumstances control us but we have no control over ourselves. We are enslaved to our feelings, thoughts, actions and reactions.

Why is this? Vedanta and Buddhism have a word for these conditioned thoughts, words and deeds: samskaras.

Samskaras create the personality. It is in understanding the process that creates it that we can become free and transform ourselves. Our mind is composed of two parts, the conscious and the subconscious. The subconscious is at the root of many of our thoughts and behavior. We cannot control these consciously, which explains why we have difficulty losing weight or kicking the cigarette habit, but we can learn to master them if we understand how they come into being.

The subconscious is fully influenced by our thoughts. If we think repeatedly that we are good, worthwhile and likable, the subconscious gets the message and automatically operates from that assumption, giving rise to behavior that is open, spontaneous and non-manipulative. This in turn makes other people like us, transmit messages to say that we are good and worthwhile, to further entrench our original impression. This is how we create our personality, from beliefs and assumptions about ourselves, much of it arising from our infancy. A thought repeated a thousand times gives rise to words repeated a thousand times leading to deeds repeated thousands of times.

In The "12 Secrets of Health and Happiness", Samways talks of the chain linking speech, feelings and actions. According to her, our perceptions of events in our lives, such as being scolded by parents, lead to beliefs that create the thoughts we have about ourselves (self-talk), which give rise to feelings and finally to behavior or deeds. Each link in the chain reinforces the others so that the chain becomes increasingly stronger.

This is also the essence of karma, which implies that everything we think, say and do has a consequence. The consequence not only occurs in the outside world, but also within, by shaping our personality. All this is fine, as long as the samskaras are positive and life-enhancing. But when they cramp our style, limit our potential and make us unhappy, they create problems. Says Samways: "An optimistic style of self-talk has been found to be the single most important predictor of who is successful in life."

Samskaras then are a process, created by our thoughts, words, and deeds. This has two implications, both vital to our pursuit of happiness. The first is that what we have made we can unmake. The second is that we can also create fresh positive conditioning. In Step III you were advised to repeat the words that you were whole and perfect. You were, in effect, reconditioning yourself positively. All spiritual and mind improvement techniques focus on these two processes, undoing negative conditioning and feeding in positive ones.

How Do You Undo?

There are many methods, the most popular being meditation. Whether through chanting, watching your breath and sensations as in vipassana, your mind is automatically drawn to its own wayward movement. By patiently bringing it back to the subject on hand and allowing our thoughts to be, we finally begin to move towards stillness and inner balance. The momentum of thoughts declines, and we experience a modicum of choice. There are those like J. Krishnamurti, who advocate tackling the mind directly, by a choice-less awareness of all that arises. The task consists of being ruthlessly aware of the content of our consciousness; the presence of jealousy when it exists, of indifference or hate-without resisting or rationalizing it, in other words, nonjudgmental acceptance helps transform it. Awareness and acceptance by themselves can transform us.

Eckhart echoes Krishnamurti in suggesting that we watch the thinker. If we can watch the thoughts without identifying with them or reacting to them, then there is a gap between the thought and us. This is the beginning of going beyond the mind. He also suggests being in the now, what the Buddhists call mindful living. Here, we buttress ourselves in the moment with all the intensity at our command. We experience the process of walking, breathing, talking, eating, sitting, standing, as thoroughly as we can by being present to every nuance.

Easwaran suggests using the power inherent in desire to go against the conditioned might of the samskaras. We can tap into the flow of prana to take us towards happiness if we just redirect our desire for sensory objects. Jaya Row, a teacher of Vedanta, agrees when she says that the trick is to shift our focus from the lower desires to higher desires, such as the quest for happiness and self-realization.

How do we do this? By strengthening the will. Says Easwaran: "The power of desire is the power of will. Every desire carries with it the will to bring that desire to fruition." How do we strengthen our will? By going against all conditioned self-centered desire. If you feel like sleeping when you still have not completed your homework, resist it. When your fingers itch to grab that last gulab jamun, stick your hands into your pockets instead.

Easwaran says: "If the will is unified from top to bottom, the moment anger surfaces you can transform it into compassion. The moment disloyalty arises you can transform it into love. Every negative samskara can be transformed in this manner, which means that personality can be remade completely in the image of your highest ideal."

How easy is this? Not too difficult, provided you have one crucial attribute-discipline. Says psychiatrist Scott L. Peck, in his book, The Road Less Traveled: "Discipline is the basic set of tools we require to solve life's problems. Without discipline we can solve nothing. With only some discipline, we can only save some problems. With total discipline, we can solve all problems." According to Peck, there are four aspects to discipline-delaying gratification, acceptance of responsibility, dedication to truth, and balancing. The ability to delay gratification arises from a sense of self-worth and security, which is to say, self-esteem. Says Samway: One of the strongest predictors of who feels happy is the degree to which an individual feels in personal control of their life." She adds: "Happy people also take control of their time. They make manageable plans and commitments. They are busy, purposeful and punctual." She says: "It is very important to remember that as a human being you have been designed to cope with a great many unhappy and sad things-'the roughage of life'-as well as the good things of life."

When we incorporate discipline within us, we will have begun to live masterfully, using all problems as challenges and opportunities for our growth. The will becomes powerful, and desires have no power to move us from the goal of happiness. We learn to go beyond our natural human selfishness that instinctively serves the cause of survival. We choose the burnt toast and let others have the well done ones. We endure inconvenience in order to do others a favor. We surrender our bus seat to a senior citizen. Gradually, we are learning not to put ourselves first, a feat the Buddha called as difficult and unnatural as water going upstream. Says Easwaran: "The surest mark of grace is marvelous, almost unimaginable: the desire to go against all selfish desires. Until this begins to happen, you cannot believe it is possible�If only we knew what daring is required to face and conquer a selfish desire! Every cell in the body stands for an ovation."

Fine, our human condition has been explored and the solution approached. But, what of the road ahead?

Step V: Transcend Happiness

When the will becomes powerful enough to take on desire, the discriminating intellect (the charioteer, remember?) awakens. Buddhi, as it is referred to in Vedanta, is the center of discrimination. It views the situation on the whole and helps us to arrive at balanced and wise decisions that benefit the larger good instead of our selfish purposes.

The intellect in turn helps us to move beyond duality. We become increasingly aware that our mind vacillates between likes and dislikes, pain and pleasure. For the Buddha, this was the root of the problem of suffering. The mind reacts to events either favorably or unfavorably, pushing away what we don't like and holding on to what we do. Craving and aversion result, and through this we distort the very nature of life. Instead of accepting its essential impermanence, we strive to perpetuate the pleasant, and be rid of the unpleasant.

To transcend this duality, we need to let go of our need for happiness. We cannot afford to like something because we will dislike its opposite. Like cool, breezy days? Beware, you will dislike hot sultry days. Like mild-mannered, polite people? Whatever are you going to do when confronted with aggression or rudeness? To free ourselves from this entire edifice of reactions, we must destroy the whole structure. Yes, indeed, the secret of happiness is to let go of our need for it. When we do this, we trade the ephemeral satisfactions of the ego for the permanent peace of being. Established in equanimity, we become witnesses to the ebb and flow of events in our lives, resisting nothing, holding on to nothing.

Step Vl : Recognize the Other
Only when we have finally relinquished our ego-centered perspective based on likes and dislikes do we really become conscious of the other as existing in their own right and not as instruments of our need. Free of all need, we see them as they truly are for the first time. Says Easwaran: "We feel towards all the way we feel towards ourselves. No one likes to be snubbed or made fun of� You understand where people are coming from. You do not judge, romanticize or close your eyes."

You do more. You actively begin to care for their welfare. Happy yourself, you seek to make the other happy. You acknowledge them, appreciate their good points and point out their potential. You empathize with their misery and strive to support them through it. Free of need, you become a selfless repository for others' needs. And you discover that they are a potent source of happiness too. Participating in the joys of others fulfills us as much as our own joy. By focusing on their happiness we transcend all conflicts both within and without us. Nothing they say or do or even think can affect us any more. We live now for the universe and not merely for ourselves.

Bertrand Russel says in his book, The Conquest of Happiness: "A man who has once perceived, however temporarily and however briefly, what makes greatness of soul, can no longer be happy if he allows himself to be petty, self-seeking, troubled by trivial misfortunes, dreading what fate may have in store for him. The man capable of greatness of soul will open wide the windows of his mind, letting the winds blow freely upon it from every portion of the universe."

You no longer require people to be polite, courteous, loving or unselfish. You can allow them the space to be themselves and take on the responsibility of the relationship on yourself. When this happens, you are cutting off all the cords that tied you to others and to circumstances. Awesomely enough, you are now free. The long journey you embarked upon is drawing to a close. You are your own master. No circumstance in life has the power to ruffle your equanimity, or your commitment to happiness.

Step Vll: Be in the Moment

When the content of our consciousness is emptied, when we have accepted every minuscule bit of ourselves, when we have freed ourselves of all conditioning, when the past and the future are closed chapters, then the present unfolds like an endless song. Still as a lake, our mind is poised in the moment, alert, joyous and free. With no identity to fetter us, no needs to tie us down, we surrender ourselves fully to life, experiencing, enjoying and letting go. We are home, free.

"When all desires that surge in the heart
Are renounced, the mortal becomes immortal.
When all knots that strangle the heart
Are loosened, the mortal becomes immortal.
This sums up the teachings of the scriptures."
�Katha Upanishads
What can one say to this but Om shanti."

This made me laugh my arse off today - "The Landlord" [by sbrooks]

Sun, 15 Apr 2007 21:06:16 -0500

Simple Happiness:: This made me laugh my arse off today - "The Landlord"
http://funnyordie.com/v1/view_video.php?viewkey=3efbc24c7d2583be6925

Sun and Flowers [by RisingSong]

Mon, 9 Apr 2007 19:31:36 -0500

What is Happiness?:: Sun and Flowers
What made me happy today? This day. This day in itself brought me some of that incredibly pure, unadulterated bliss that defines life.

This day made me realize that joy is not strictly emotional. Joy is expressed through all four forms of Self: Physical, Emotional, Mental, and Spiritual.

Let's start out with mental. I woke up happy today because it was the first day of spring break. And that sense of freedom, liberation was the background music from the moment I woke up this morning. I had no real obligations. Had I chosen to, I could have watched movies all day, or I could have stayed in bed and slept away the morning. That freedom, after many longs and strenuous weeks of stress and exhaustion of all kinds, was beautiful in itself.

Second, physical. It started this afternoon when I stepped outside and felt the cool breeze and basked in the bright sun. I picked a red rose from my front yard, inhaled deeply and as its presence flowed through my senses, its incredibly sweet scent caught me off guard and I was suddenly taken with the vibrance of life. I got on my bike and, with a basket and my journal, began a search around my neighborhood for the wildflowers that had just started to bloom with the blossoming spring. As I felt my speed pick up and the road gallop beneath me as I pedaled, the rush and exhilaration of life and health and beauty surrounded me and I was filled with an overpowering physical joy.

Emotionally speaking, I was joyous today because touching me with a subtle awareness, even as I biked independently and silently through the park, was the emotonal presence of the people around me, their simple and beautiful happiness as they took part in the gorgeous spring experience. The children played, and this is what touched me most, is what always hits me hardest. Although I used to long for the simpler days when I was so young and free, now just seeing the children around me creates this sense of contentment as it is borne witness to me that life goes on indefinitely, that childhood will always remain as a constant state of being, even as the young grow old, it will remain as part of a greater Life.

Finally, spiritual. This is possibly the most profound and life changing form of joy their is; for as we go through our daily lives, as much as we choose to, we can be touched by the greater Whole that surrounds and Is all that we know and see. There is a greater force, a greater Being, a fantastic Completion to be tapped into as we experience the full potential of ourselves, and of the world around us. Pure joy in this sense is feeling our place in the grand scheme, finding awareness of the part we play in that Force, and the part It plays in us.

My Happiest Moments [by cbrooks]

Mon, 9 Apr 2007 00:46:51 -0500

Create Your Own Intro!!!:: My Happiest Moments
The question, "What is your Happiest Moment?" has created a new understanding of my life. For me that introspection and learning from my prior experiences(especially my happiest) has uncovered my path to happiness. My answers and understanding of those moments, taught me how to create more happy moments, and allowed me to realize that every moment IS my happiest.

With each new Happiest Moment I realized more and more that it was not the moment that was perfect, rather the occurrences preceding that moment. The large and small changes in my life lead me to that place; the pain and anger that changed me; the laughter and enjoyment I shared with others, and how all those moments changed me and made me who I am.......that type of appreciation for all those moments created my happiest moment. This question has allowed me to discover an outlook on life to truly believe that EVERY moment is my happiest!!!

This website is dedicated to creating that outlook for others. I hope that people can read others happiest moments and possibly discover a new outlook on life, creating a positive change. So please share your moments freely, and help the world discover the truth to happiness, the one thing that binds us all.

Simple Supply & Demand [by cbrooks]

Thu, 5 Apr 2007 20:30:41 -0500

Frivolous ways make a poor man angry:: Simple Supply & Demand
The worst thing you can tell yourself is that when you get what you want you will be happy. This is a false hope many in America are holding on to. In today�s society we are bombarded with ads trying to sell us something. Eventually something they are selling we WILL want. It is a never-ending cycle of wants. Our lives change, technology changes, and our wants change; but one thing remains the same, we will want.

Is this type of glutton lifestyle incapable of satisfying us? If it is, then what other options do we have? This relates to HappiestMoment; realizing that everything is satisfying, that every moment can be you Happiest Moment. If we just stop asking for so much and we realize how to be happy with what we have, then we can find the ultimate satisfaction. All you need is Love for yourself, Love for your life, Love for family and friends, and most important, Love for every beautiful person on this planet.

We are lucky to be born in a country with such an amazing standard of living, but why should the rest of the world live in poverty just because of where they were born. Its not that we should immediately make it equal, it just that you should Love everyone, and allowing people to die of starvation is definitely not showing anyone Love. Just remember, be thankful for what you have, and try not to want too much. As a result, maybe someone else who needs it can have a little bit more. Its really all just simple supply and demand, more we want the more they charge, want less and its cheaper for those who need it. The way you live your life DOES affect others and the world!

Never Let Me Down [by cbrooks]

Thu, 5 Apr 2007 20:22:31 -0500

Music With Meaning:: Never Let Me Down
By J Ivy

{This quote perfectly captures many of the concepts we are trying to convey. Read this, and give the song a listen; "Never Let Me Down" by Kanye West, lyrics by J Ivy, an awesome poet}

We are all here for a reason on a particular path
You don't need a curriculum to know that you are part of the math
Cats think I'm delirious, but I'm so damn serious
That's why I expose my soul to the globe, the world
I'm trying to make it better for these little boys and girls
I'm not just another individual, my spirit is a part of this
That's why I get spiritual, but I get my hymns from Him
So it's not me, it's He that's lyrical
I'm not a miracle, I'm a heaven-sent instrument
My rhythmatic regimen navigates melodic notes for your soul and your mental
That's why I'm instrumental
Vibrations is what I'm into
Yeah, I need my loot by rent day
But that is not what gives me the heart of Kunte Kinte
I'm tryina give us "us free" like Cinque
I can't stop, that's why I'm hot
Determination, dedication, motivation
I'm talking to you, my many inspirations
When I say I can't, let you or self down
If I were of the highest cliff, on the highest riff
And you slipped off the side and clinched on to your life in my grip
I would never, ever let you down
And when these words are found
Let it been known that God's penmanship has been signed with a language called love
That's why my breath is felt by the deaf
And why my words are heard and confined to the ears of the blind
I, too, dream in color and in rhyme
So I guess I'm one of a kind in a full house
Cuz whenever I open my heart, my soul, or my mouth
A touch of God reigns out!

Currently listening to:

The College Dropout
By Kanye West
Release date: By 10 February, 2004

A Brotherhood of Man [by smiles]

Thu, 5 Apr 2007 18:38:51 -0500

Archived Intros:: A Brotherhood of Man
What we want is nothing less than world peace and a true brotherhood of man. A world where being alive is all that is required to be worthy of love and respect. A world where our cultural differences, be they race, religion, or nationality, are celebrated and appreciated like the colors of the rainbow. We want a world where competition is replaced by cooperation, with all working for the common good. Yes we are idealists, and people may ignore our ideas. But, we will not back down and we will not give up because we have faith that living a life that holds compassion and love above all else will always result in the best possible outcome for ourselves and those whom we interact with everyday. To accomplish our goal requires many political, economical, and social changes. We are not politicians, businessmen, or activists. We are simple people with a simple idea. Love every single person that you meet. For these changes to be brought about it is necessary for each individual person to believe that such changes can happen. People need to believe that a world full of peace, love, and harmony can indeed exist before it ever will come to be. To achieve this ideal we must each understand that we are all a part of the miracle called life. Beyond this realization all else is irrelevant. We have found a way to spread this love and understanding very easily. All that is required is to share your happiness with someone else and so we created this website to spread the love. What is the happiest moment of you life? Think about it for as long as you need to and then come back and post your moment here on this site. Our deepest hope is that by sharing our most positive memories with one another that we can build the bonds of love that will lead to a world of equality and peace.

By Mike Hanson